Nothing can really prepare you for bringing a baby into the world. It’s something that needs to be experienced to be understood. Nor can anything prepare you for trying to juggle being a parent and working on side projects.
You can think about how life will be in the abstract, which I did. I knew I’d have less time once Hayden arrived. I knew I’d be busy. I knew being a parent would be demanding.
But you don’t really understand what these things mean in the concrete until baby arrives.
Then, reality hits.
Despite the magnitude of bringing home my first child, I tried to resort back to my intense work habits while Hayden napped. I expected to get as much done as I did before baby. So I tried to cram several hours of work into short pockets of free time.
I eventually came to this realization: life isn’t business as usual as a parent working on side projects.
It took several weeks until I truly accepted that I have less time to myself. So less will get done. And—this is the important point—I’m okay with that. That’s what I call acceptance day.
And the sooner you accept your new reality, the better.
The Day Everything Changed
Acceptance day as a parent isn’t a planned event. It just happens. You hit your tipping point and you say or think to yourself: “I get it.” You accept that there’s more on your plate and less time on your hands to get stuff done.
For me, this happened on a warm, sunny day several weeks after Hayden’s birth. I’d just put Hayden down for his nap, and went into my office to do some programming. I opened up the editor on my computer and began to code.
About an hour and a half later, when Hayden woke up from his nap, I felt frustrated by the little progress I made. Once again, I tried to do too much in a short window of time. Then, I worried about all of the programming there was left to do and questioned when I’d do it. Typically, I’d then feel the self-imposed stress physically and I’d feel distracted mentally.
But that didn’t happen. I remember staring at my computer screen thinking to myself: “this isn’t working.” I realized I was trying to do too much and that I’d have to back it down. And I felt okay with that.
Hayden was—and still is—my top priority. I was overjoyed when Hayden was born. So much so that I quit my job and scaled back tremendously on my side projects. However, my attitude toward the things I kept on my plate had not changed.
But that day I made the mental shift. I accepted that things were different—and for the better. I realized I needed to change my mentality toward side projects to keep up with my new reality.
The moment I accepted this reality, a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. I felt less pressure trying to do everything. I felt less frantic; my brain wasn’t zooming with a hundred random thoughts. I felt less stressed. Most importantly, I felt more present with Hayden. I literally felt myself slow down.
Accepting your reality doesn't mean stopping side projects or hobbies you enjoy. It means adjusting your expectations.
Adjust Expectations
Becoming a parent for the first time catches a lot of people off guard. It did for me. Parenthood is far harder—and better—than I could’ve imagined. Once you accept that things have changed. Then, you can manage your expectations to meet your new reality.
Aim to get one thing done during those first few weeks after bringing home baby. That’s it. Those first few weeks are an adjustment period for everyone. Focusing on one thing outside of taking care of baby is manageable and realistic. So set one objective and aim to make progress toward it.
Once baby has settled into a routine, then consider adding another objective or two. I work best with only two daily objectives. Sometimes I add a third, if the first two objectives are small. But any more than that is too much and unrealistic.
Identify your daily objective in the evening before going to bed. That way, you start your day with intent.
Of course, things don’t always go as planned—especially with a baby in the house. And that brings me to my next point: be flexible.
I was reminded of this right before I sat down to write this newsletter. I'd planned to use Hayden’s naptime to work on it. But Hayden is teething right now and was quite fussy when I put him down for his nap. So I spent the first 50 minutes of his naptime helping him to calm down and get to sleep.
Although it would’ve been nice to have completed the newsletter that day. I did make progress. And in the end that’s what I’m aiming to do on my side projects. I want to make progress each day. That’s the goal as a parent-entrepreneur. I accept that.
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.
-Peter Drucker
Thank you for reading! Feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think.
-Amy